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Become the Master of Change – Part three

Blog

Publication date:

26 May 2020

Last updated:

18 December 2023

Author(s):

Jon Dear

What’s a “habit”? According to The Concise Oxford Dictionary, a habit is a “settled tendency or practice” or an “automatic reaction to a specific situation”. What about a “routine”? A routine is “regular course of procedure, unvarying performance of certain acts”.

Why are habits and routines so important to us? The obvious, and we think, correct answer to this question is that they save us time. If, every time you were confronted with a situation (the same situation), it was as if it were the first time, then you would spend an inordinate, and unnecessary, amount of time, in working out what to do. So you, we, all of us, develop routines to deal with known situations. You can probably think of loads right now - when you meet someone for the first time (shake hands, although that’s gone out the window in the current climate); when you get home from work (grab a beer/cup of tea and sit in your usual armchair); when you meet a new client (explain your service etc). And, over time, these routines/habits embed themselves deeply in our psyche, so we don’t have to think about them - they become automatic. We become “creatures of habit”.

So, if you want to change a habit, or if you want someone else to change a habit (with your help), how do you go about it?

We think that changing a habit is hard - ask anyone who has tried to give up smoking; or who has tried to lose weight by going to the gym… in January, or has tried to practise “social distancing” for the first time. But it is possible. Our approach is step-by-step. Given how hard it will be, we advise that you try to change only one habit at a time - but if you can manage this over about a month, then you can make a substantial number of changes in a year.

We have a little saying that captures the importance of habits and of changing them, where appropriate.

Plant a thought and reap an action.

Practise an action to develop a habit.

Nurture a habit to change your life.

Just make sure that the habits you change and those you start take you in the direction you want to go.

So, work though the following thoughts to change a habit… 

  1. What is the area of your life in which you want to make a change? This is the scope of the change - and can be something like - relationships, health, weight, savings, insurance, learning.
  2. What change would you like to achieve? This is narrowing down the change from the broad scope to a specific habit or routine you want to change
  3. Over what time period do you want to make this change? This is really getting focused now - when are you going to start, and by when will you have succeeded?
  4. What are you going to do differently? This is a sort of plan. Instead of doing “A”, I am going to do “B”. “A” can have several components, but we suggest not too many - remember change is hard, and changing a habit is hard, too. It’s useful to think of situations in which you do “A” - the triggers that stimulate the behaviour you want to change, so that you increase your personal awareness and thus the likelihood that you can prevent yourself from falling back into the previous behaviour.
  5. What are the benefits and consequences of making the change? You should consider the benefits and consequences before taking any action. Think about the benefits (good things) that will happen to you, to your family, and elsewhere in your life if you make the change. Then think about the consequences (bad things) that will happen to you, your family and elsewhere in your life if you don’t make the change. It’s important to think about it in these terms - the benefits of making the change ranged against the consequences of not making the change.
  6. Are the benefits and consequences significant enough to you to make you stick to this change? The answer to this question must be “Yes”, or you should not even start. If there is doubt in your mind, then you will fail. You have to be certain, and you will have to remind yourself on a regular basis of this certainty in order to see it through.
  7. To make the change is there any new knowledge or skill you will require? It’s possible that there is new stuff that you don’t know yet, or can’t do yet, that is necessary for you to make and embed the change. If there is, where will you get it, and how?
  8. Is there anyone who can help you? This is often the difference between success and failure - having someone who is “on your side” but who can be “objective”. This is why people attend Alcoholics Anonymous and other such groups - because they make assertions for which they are held accountable by other, like-minded people. You don’t need to join such a group, but find someone who can help you.
  9. When will you seek feedback? How often? We all benefit from proper feedback - not flattery or insults - but focused commentary that helps us keep on-target towards our goal (see 4 above).
  10. Finally, can you put any milestones in place that will help you assess your progress? Interestingly, we all like meeting objectives - it gives us a sense of achievement that is important to our motivation, and general well-being. So, take the time period (you set at 3 above) and break it down into bite-sized chunks.

This is a 10-step process to changing a habit - not easy, but doable. It’s worth comparing it to the process you follow to advise on financial service products. Think about your client as the person who needs to make a change and put yourself in the role of helper. Then work through the questions.

The current pandemic has provided all of us with plenty of examples of changing routines and habits - mostly without any sort of plan. The motivation was strong - we want to stay healthy - and we have been commanded by the Government to “Stay Home”. So, working through the ten thoughts above, as if they were an example of a more fundamental change in your life…

  1. Area for change: Staying/being healthy
  2. Change desired: Working from home
  3. Period: About 2 weeks
  4. Do differently: Practise social distancing, but for this example, do client meetings by phone/video call.
  5. Benefits and Consequences: Benefits - stay healthy, keep family healthy, keep in touch with clients. Consequences: Catch Covid-19, pass it to the family, possible hospitalisation, even worse.
  6. Strength of Benefits and Consequences: They are strong enough for me to change my behaviour.
  7. New knowledge or skill: Yes; I need to know how to conduct meetings by telephone/video call. May have to provide clients with new technology. Buy the app.
  8. Someone to help: Yes - my teenage son can help with the technology!
  9. Feedback: Ask son about use of technology. Ask clients about the process. Ask partner about disruption at home.
  10. Milestones: It should only take a couple of weeks to adopt the new way of working, so a milestone is unnecessary.

This is a fairly trivial example of changing a habit or routine, but experience is showing us that a lot of people who once said that working remotely was impossible are now saying they are going to do it four days a week - going to the office may become the change in our lives.

We hope this has stimulated some thoughts about how to change a habit - you will still go through the stages of the change process - from shock to adaptation. The time is takes will be determined by the significance of the change you’re contemplating; as will the strength of the associated emotions.

This document is believed to be accurate but is not intended as a basis of knowledge upon which advice can be given. Neither the author (personal or corporate), the CII group, local institute or Society, or any of the officers or employees of those organisations accept any responsibility for any loss occasioned to any person acting or refraining from action as a result of the data or opinions included in this material. Opinions expressed are those of the author or authors and not necessarily those of the CII group, local institutes, or Societies.